So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
