definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
how drunk are you?
Several
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
