Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
