So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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