i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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