I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
