someone get that fucking seahorse.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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