did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
