I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
