He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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