did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
