You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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