I feel like I'm in dance class right now
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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