he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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