I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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