Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
