I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
