Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
