please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
