After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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