Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
