I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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