lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
