I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize