White coat. Heels.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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