Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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