So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
