11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
