he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
