Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
