we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
