New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
