Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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