If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
