I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
