evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
