Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize