How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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