I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
