Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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