carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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