you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
