last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
