I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
