And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize