Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
