I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
