the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
