You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
