Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
