I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
