dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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