I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
