Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
