farters have to be the big spoon...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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