My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
