Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize