Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
