your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize