I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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