I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
