addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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