u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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