ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
