Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
